Courage, Dignity and the Parenting of Black Children: Part Four

Reason #4: We are often ashamed of our condition as a people.

“I am flawed”
“I am weak”
“I am ugly”
“I am evil”
“I am not good enough”
“I am insignificant”
“I am unwanted”
“I am worthless”

These are the types of statements that reflect a mindset riddled with shame. These statements also reflect the constant messaging that we as parents (and our children) receive about ourselves as African people.

Guilt is the emotion most people feel when they believe that they have done something bad. Shame is the emotion most people feel when they believe that they are something bad. In the world we live in currently, shame is deeply implanted in our psyche as people of African descent. We are constantly told how inadequate we are: how we are poorer than everyone else; how we are less educated than everyone else; how we are more criminal than everyone else; how we have fewer marriages than everyone else. Even so-called compliments are many times little more than veiled insults. “Oh, I just love Edward. He’s so articulate.” Translation: “Edward is Black, and he can speak English.” What this also means is that we cannot speak as well as everyone else.

The reality is that we should feel neither guilty nor ashamed, in response to these half-truths. If we are poorer than anyone, it is because in the job market we are constantly exploited. We are not hired at the same rates, neither are we paid the same amount as others, even when we are more qualified.

If we are less educated than anyone, it is because in the public school system we are constantly exploited. Our schools are funded at lower rates than others even when they draw from the same tax base. Our children are suspended and expelled more frequently even when they commit less egregious offenses. Our children are given fewer educational opportunities, even when they demonstrate the same academic potential.

If we are more criminal than anyone, it because in the criminal injustice system, we are constantly exploited. We are more likely to be victims of police brutality, and we are more likely to receive excessively harsh sentences.

The complete truth is that whites have created a world that is structured to make us poor, keep us uneducated, criminalize us, and in many other ways stifle our potential. And as an additional indignity, they convince us that we are at fault for the condition that they have created. However, in spite of their misdeeds, we still survive and a few of us even thrive. We have agency. We are not helpless people. Just as hard as others work to keep us poor, we can work to reclaim our wealth. Just as hard as others work to keep us uneducated, we can work to realize our inherent genius. Just as hard as others work to criminalize us, we can shine the light of truth on the real criminals.

If there is one thing that I could impress upon you (and one thing that you should impress upon your children), it is that we should not internalize these negative criticisms. We should hold our heads high, with the knowledge that our circumstances do not define us. We should hold our heads high, with the knowledge that if we are not watchful, the evil-doers are always ready to do evil.

Knowing that there are others working to instill a spirit of shame in our children, we should work that much harder to instill them with a spirit of dignity and pride. We cannot sugarcoat the reality of racism. Tell the truth and shame the devil. Otherwise, our children will be the ones living with shame.

And as always... Have Fun!


Jomo W. Mutegi, Ph.D. is an author of science-related children’s books, and an Associate Professor of Science Education at the Indiana University School of Education in Indianapolis. He is also Principal Investigator of the (ES)2 Research Program. To learn more about Dr. Mutegi’s books, visit www.JomoMutegi.com. To learn more about Dr. Mutegi’s research, visit www.ES2RP.org.